Lifestyle Columnist

Sherri Winston
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Getting briefed on classified information

Published October 6, 2004

"WANTED: Single man who is NOT an idiot. Quiz will be given at beginning of date. Ability to count up to 15 without removing socks a plus!"

I'm not bitter enough to have ever written such an ad, honest. But suppose I was? At least one professional ad writer thinks suitors might find my approach offensive. Jesse Keller, 31, founder of www.personalstrainer.com, says my ad is "much too hostile in its tone. Most men are not going to feel inspired to pass your test of counting to 15. They might even be insulted." Insulted? By moi?

Keller says the ad "makes you look like you have no standards at all. Clearly what you're trying to say is that you're looking for someone who is intelligent and your intellectual peer. A better way to say that is by showing some of the things you like to do that show off your intellect. The key to remember is that sarcasm can be really funny face-to-face but it's really hard to do it in writing."

One thing that intrigued me about Keller's personal ad writers is the fact that they even exist. Here I am someone who barely accepts that people use personal ads, and now I find out an entire industry of ad-writing coaches exists. In a recent article, The Wall Street Journal examined the personal ad business, noting the boom in online dating sites -- they account for 43 percent of the personal ad industry -- and the growth of coaching/training sites aimed at lonely lovers with writer's block.

The real reason Keller's group caught my eye was that they offer "star" trainers. For a premium price, Aury Wallington, an ex-writer for HBO's hit Sex and the City, or Daphne Brogdon from the Discovery Channel's Perfect Partner, will help me pen an ad with mad appeal.

Well, I'm no Aury Wallington, but I'm no quitter, either. So, undaunted I scooped up a heaping helping of courage and wrote another ad.

"Single mom loves movies, seeks man willing to share popcorn and more. I'm a creative person who enjoys movies, books and art. My ideal partner would be sensitive, caring and willing to try new things."

Even long distance I can feel the deep sigh building within Keller. He tells me that my movie-loving ad sounds sincere, but it's "very generic. It doesn't really stand out and doesn't have enough information to catch the eye of the kind of person that you want to meet."

He suggests that people like me who are honest but sound boring in print benefit by being specific. "Maybe for your headline you can quote a line from one of your favorite movies." When two of your all-time favorite movies are a 1950s melodrama (All About Eve) and a 1980s action flick (Die Hard), I can't imagine what kind of person that would attract.

Keller advises me to drop "creative" and replace it with words that show passion or feeling.

Keller got the idea for PersonalsTrainer while researching personal ads and attempting to write his own. He says his ad sounded a lot like my "I like movies" ad, unthreatening but lame. With the help of his research partner, however, his ad came to life. Of course, by the time they finished the ad -- and the project -- Keller's research partner became his girlfriend. How poetic.

So the service works like this:

Pay the fee, fill out the questionnaire and submit it. If they have enough information, the personals trainer will study the ad from the photo to the last word in the profile, and give an honest appraisal. Then the trainers give specific recommendations for improving the ad.

Well, I'll work on it. Not that I need it, but just in case my current situation doesn't work out, there just might be a really cute movie-loving intellectual out there seeking same.